Have you ever thought, “I’d be happy if I got a new job” or “I’d be happier if I lost some weight” or “if I just moved to a new house then I’d be happy” – only to find that once you’d achieved these things and the initial excitement had faded, you didn’t feel the deep sense of lasting happiness you thought you would?

So, in search of your next fix you begin your quest for life-long happiness all over again. Turning your attention to the next ‘big thing’ that will surely make you happy this time.

And so, your search for happiness begins all over again.

Sound familiar? Read on, because in this blog I share research and insights from some of the world’s leading experts in the study of happiness. I hope that it will inspire you to:

1. Appreciate and notice the present moment.
2. Tune-in to what being happy really means for you.
3. Try out techniques that can help you have a more positive mindset in your day-to-day life.

But before we get to that, let’s take a look at why we get stuck in this constant search for happiness.

Well, psychologist and leading expert in the field of happiness, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, has an interesting take on where this phenomenon might come from. He says:

“People keep hoping that changing the external conditions of their lives will provide a solution [to happiness] … But symbols can be deceptive… the reality is that the quality of life does not depend directly on what others thinks of us or what we own. The bottom line is, rather, how we feel about ourselves and about what happens to us. To improve life one must improve the quality of experience [of our everyday lives].”  

— Csikszentmihalyi (2002)

What Csikszentmihalyi points out, is that we have a default tendency to search for the solution to happiness outside of ourselves. It seems that because we know ‘things’ can make us happy for at least a short while, that’s where we tend to start, and in many cases, that’s where we continue to focus our attention.

We might buy a new house, a new pair of shoes, or go on our dream holiday. And for a short while we feel great. In a way, it’s like a happiness fix.

Of course, making plans, having goals, and dreaming big are important. They keep us motivated, engaged, and moving forward in life. But it seems we rarely take the time to notice the present moment and tune-in to appreciate what we already have.

Searching for the next ‘big thing’ has been drummed into us from an early age. Being future-focused is our default. With questions like, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “When do you want to get married?” and “When are you having children?” – as if doing all these things means you’ve made it in life, and you’ll live happily ever after.

I can think of a few examples from my own life where I’ve fallen into this trap. Take buying my first house, getting married, and getting a new job. All these experiences did, and still do, make me happy (in fact, my wedding day was the happiest day of my life!). But once they were over, it didn’t take long before I found myself looking for the ‘next thing’ to do to refresh my happiness.

But Csikszentmihalyi is clever to steer us away from putting too much reliance on ‘things’ to make us happy. He cautions that inevitably they have a limited effect on our quality of life. After a time, things lose their appeal. They are just symbols of happiness, so on their own they are bound to lead to us wanting more.

Well, the good news is that Shawn Achor (2010), an expert in the field of Positive Psychology, says there are several studies that have proved there are ways to “permanently raise our happiness baseline and adopt a more positive mindset.”

And the interesting thing? These ways don’t include the endless pursuit of ‘things’ to make us happy.

Studies have shown that practicing simple techniques that encourage a positive mindset (such as gratitude’s, journaling, and meditation) can help us feel happier. This is because they help to re-wire our brains to look out for the positives rather than focusing too much on the negatives – our brains are malleable in this way.

So, if you’re a ‘glass half empty’ kind of person, then there are things you can do to reset your default mindset to be more positive.

Happiness comes from focusing more on the present moment. Being appreciative for what we have and remembering to be grateful is the key to finding true lasting happiness.

Being appreciative grounds us. It reminds us of what we have, our achievements, our goals, our loved ones and our experiences. This isn’t something that I’ve just learned intellectually. I’ve started living it by journaling and practicing gratitude’s.

The result? Well, I’m beginning to notice a difference in my automatic thoughts. They’re more positive and less negative. I’ve also noticed that I’m more appreciative of my day-to-day life – the simple things – rather than worrying about planning that next ‘big thing.’

I’m not saying that it’s easy. And as Fearne Cotton (2017) says, “you almost have to go against the grain to think positively.” We’re constantly bombarded with negative news and social media, and it’s difficult to switch off from it.

But by practicing some simple techniques we can adjust how our brain interprets the world. They help our brain to naturally search for the positives rather than the negatives and help to subtly change our habits.

This isn’t about being 100% happy 100% of the time. That’s not possible. Some people have experienced, and are experiencing, extremely traumatic and depressing situations. In the past year alone there’s been a rise in how many people are experiencing grief, loss, serious illness, financial worries, anxiety, and depression.

In these situations, it’s likely to feel impossible to be happy. Being told that ‘it will get better,’ or ‘don’t worry about it,’ is some of the most unhelpful advice you could hear. It’s important to acknowledge how you feel, whether it’s good or bad, and it’s vital that your feelings are validated by others.

Research shows that it’s what we choose to focus on during these times that can help us come back from the depths of despair over time. And most importantly, happiness isn’t about ignoring the negatives or pretending to be happy. It’s about using our brain to help us process things differently.

So, I guess it’s less about ‘being happy’ (because happiness is subjective, it means something different for everyone, and you can’t always just be happy). It’s more about finding ways to increase your happiness from wherever your starting point is. It’s about improving how you feel whether that’s reaching happiness or not.